I recently released the first book of my new series, Average People Having Average Sex and I’d like to offer a little explanation of the dedication that I included in the book.
The dedication reads, “This book is dedicated to everyone that I wish I’d been nicer too.” Clearly I don’t understand how dedications work, but let’s ignore that for a moment as I’d like to explain what I meant when I wrote that dedication and what I didn’t mean.
The book is called The Loser. It’s about a guy who never really excelled socially in high school and turns up at a party a year after graduating high school and finds that very little has changed. It doesn’t really play into the stereotype of nerds and bullies, but focuses on the experience of a guy that just can’t catch the interest of anyone and has few friends. It gets a little more exciting when a girl asks him to get into some weird ass sex, but I’ll let you see that for yourself.
So with that context, I’ll get back to my dedication. I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I made that dedication because I was some kind of high school bully. The dedication is only partially related to the context of the story. What happened was, that as I was writing this story, I was reminded of my high school experience and well, I was extremely immature and frankly self absorbed. Of course I was, I was a kid. It also got me thinking about other times in my life when I acted in ways that fall sort of my current standard of how to treat people.
I don’t think I’ve ever been exceptionally terrible to anyone, but yeah there are things that I’m embarrassed of. Like, for example, the friend that liked me in high school. I didn’t have the balls (ovaries, whatever) to tell him that I was never going to go out with him so I just said nothing instead and came up with creative ways to avoid him and pretend not to notice that he liked me. That was shitty. I should not have done that. I wish I’d had the maturity to deal with that situation in a way that would have been more respectful to him, but I didn’t.
Or more recently, I worked with a guy that was pretty lazy. I spent a lot of time bitching about him with my other co-workers and in retrospect, that was also pretty crappy of me.
And those are just the times that I realized I was acting like a jerk. I’m sure there are plenty of other times when I’ve acted like a turd and was too much of a turd to recognize it.
So I’ll restate that I clearly don’t understand how a book dedication works. What I meant when I wrote that line was pretty much, I wish I’d never been an immature tool and I wish that I still wasn’t.